The usual way ..

A thought to bow down head infront of a temple gets more pushy when I am in trouble or wishing God to lend me a helping hand.
Such situations make me feel that I must visit God or actually must find out time to pray to Him.
While at easy going days, I dont know how nice the thought of visiting or praying to Him in me is.
At times, few days simply pass when I am just not able to find time for Him and feel repentant to do so.
And this feeling of regret grows stronger when the desire to see Him in my days of trouble and helplessness gives a call inside. It feels selfish and and that I want to flatter him in prayers to bestow upon me His kindness.
And then behaving the usual way is what I choose.
For I know my heart and mind always bow at His feet.

Why they call it practical ??

I am often condemned at times by people around for thinking too idealistic and expecting the world around to be similar way.
And then they say "It is practical".

I agree that one has to be logical enough and reasonable for his actions but then being practical at times hold a deficit of logic and reason.

Practicality has demolished the ideas of idealism and people as a weapon for their weakness use it.
It is true there can't be an ideal state to anything.But there can be a real state.
Even the laws of physics say that nothing is 100% efficient.None such idealism of 100% is expected from any individual.But then practicality can be closer to idealism.

And as the standard of practicality is moving away from the state of idealism,the world is moving towards the darker side and any wrong action gets justified.

The standard of practicality is to be raised sufficiently to help some ideals breathe at least.

A fearless world

This is one fav of mine .. Since I am not able to write much for my blog .. m keeping it alive with some oldies ..!! :)
　
A fearless world
I had been in a world,
It was not less than a heaven,
Attached there to a soul,
I was so secure in that haven.
　
That coziness, that care,
That divinity was a costly affair.
But not even a penny I spent,
And in that world I got all this for free,
Surprising is the kind of its power,
That it still runs within me.
　
I stayed there for nine months,
And I wished my stay could be long.
Shielding me from polluted souls,
My mother carried me in her womb.
　
She built me inside,
Teaching me life.
Yielding me protection,
Which now I lack outside.
　
That world was different,
So fearless, so strong,
I was so safe,
Unborn.
　
I was taught,
Just to love,
Running relationships providing own blood,
Living for those relationships that breathe inside,
Providing them with lovely nutrition,
And all luxuries beside.
　
But I have realized,
This world contradicts that world inside,
It's not that fearless,
It's not that strong,
I feel so insecure,
Among these selfish souls.
　
Anybody I meet in my life,
I nourish him with all my might,
But at the day's end,
I find a huge difference,
Between the relationships I hold,
To this world and to that womb .
　
This is not the kind of world,
I got life in,
Why these worlds are different??
Why my origin and survival are contradicting??
　
No reason to explain,
Ironically I have to claim,
Either I got to be in a world unknown,
Or my mother's womb taught me wrong.

js a few words ..

This came just random on a notepad. A very little one. I would like to share.

Little is not my power,
Little is not my will,
But I am not that ordinary,
If Not with some killing skill.

I am not proud or arrogant,
I am obliged for the true sense,
I am not obsessed of myself,
I know my true self.

You may consider me a fool,
So I too do at times,
But wrong would be you,
If you think I have an inflexible spine.

I love myself,
you can see that glitter in my eyes,
To see my love for you,
look upto the skies.

And I started loving

This is one old poem written by me very much loved by myself and many .. I would like to share it once more ..

And I started loving…………..

A day I found you around,
And you got so intimately bound.
You kept coming closer,
Became a part of me,
Mingling my life in yours,
Ornamenting it with your beauty.
And
When I sit alone,
Lost in loneliness,
I define my every moment,
With such a clarity of your presence,
Solace I find,
An utmost comfort with you, in you.
Because my loneliness holds just you,
I started loving it too…….

When I sit quiet,
I hear your smiles loud,
And then,
I too smile your way.
I live you every moment,
I love you every moment.
In the meekness of constantly moving life,
I talk to you for hours inside,
And just enjoy your flavour aside.
Because my silence holds just you,
I started loving it too……..

You hold my charm,
You hold my smiles,
You have made yourself run in my every breath.
My beauty from you,
My life in you.
Now this earthly flesh seems mine,
And underneath,
Spiritually,
It's your soul that is lying.
Because its just you in me, I started loving myself TOO…………...

You shall remain engraved on hearts!!

Sitting next to one of my friends in office, I thinly sighted the two words 'Pink floyd' on one arm extending of his glass frame.And I was like amazed to find it on something like this. I have found these words written on T-shirt, wallpapers, cars and many more . But this space was a crazy one. Thus here is a tribute to the magical and musical band THE PINK FLOYD, by me and the maker of frames . while my friend never knew that his frames had it .

Three amazons of my life ..

My life, I suppose, has been influenced more by the female divinity and strength than male's.
Be it my mom, sis, grandmoms, aunties, frens, teachers, mentors, colleagues, I really feel cherubic impact of theirs on my life.
And there are these 3 significant females in my life who have substantiated their influence by my existence of one heroic nature.
I would owe not just a part but almost all of me to them.
They are in me ,spiritually, just as the other 5 physical ingredients of life.
I know who of these ladies do I actually resemble the most and the least also.
The oldest of these is my grandmom.My dad's mother.
A lady with invincible power, a heart filled with love, a fighter, a dreamer, a lady of extreme emotions.
I dont know how much I miss her. Heaven is her abode now. I would see her in my dreams at night. and just wish I could meet her once and could kiss her soft cheeks.
And always wish that if God could have a plan like meeting the people He has of us a specific day in year, once at least.
It has been almost two years she left this world, she nevertheless is felt more than she is remembered.

Following her is my own mother.
Her placidity,serenity, divinity always makes me feel conquered and defeated and at my own will.
I yield to her forbearance and piousness at the same moment I am fighting to win over the situation or discussion.
There is nobody who knows my life as deeply as she does.Just nobody and there cannot be one.
I know it holds true for everyone on this earth.
I just wonder and wonder at her feelings, her calm disposition.
She would do more than I need.
She would care more than I can reciprocate.
And I find it as magical, like a river flowing not knowing where it will end but it flows.
　
And she is the third one whom I love the most and have half-lost a companion, a friend, a confidant since the time she has been taken away by love of her life.
My sister is the most amazing and vivacious part of me and my life.
She would know the best philosopies of life to play her role as daughter, a daughter-in-law, a wife , sister .She is just perfect to play any role in life.And she has outdone anybody in holding herself up during moments of torment.
She has been my aegis, she has been like a tree shade in scorching heat, she has been like a balmy breeze through my moment of distress and suffering.
I feel wonderful to have my life painted in colors of richness and exuberance by 3 generations of life.
I feel that power in me.
I see that beauty in me.
And as I said that I know whom I resemble the most of these 3 generations , I know it is true when I say the answer is my grandmother :)

All day long, deep in my heart, I yearn, I dream

I was a kid when I used to feel after waking up from sleep that moments before,I was running around bushes and waterfalls with mowgli, where has all that gone?.
Was not even sure of if there was something like that or not.
Didn't even know the word 'Dream'.
I dont know at which age of mine, I got to know this word and understood what dreaming means.
My fascinations, my desires, my fears, my interests have all been into my dreams at nights.
My dreams have trepidated me at times after watching some horror movie with horrifying creatures reappearing around me,and at times have heavenly pleased, have shown me gods and angels and fairies. .
I would have reached exams after they were over, would have forgotten admit cards at home.
I would have been on date with guys I had crush on.
I would have done never-done and never-would-be-done kind things in dreams, racing a scooter, running wearing pencil heels on marble floor with dogs chasing and falling every now and then to find an escape.
These dreams have kept me so much occupied during nights.
But mooning in day has been my steady soulful accomplishments.
As I grew in age and more desires for myself gestated in me, new dreams rooted up.
And the notion of a dream changed.
From night to day,
From fantasies to desires,
From subconsciousness to consciousness.
And the meaning as well ..
my dreams are my desires long awaited and would be longed for till realised ,
yearning for them in me is stronger than my habits.
Something I have lived in my mind whimsically,
have enacted my part of role into them or probably of others as well involved,
have practiced my lines of dialogues,
have walked my postures and moves and gestures,
have designed my attires and footwears and glass frames,
have lived the emotions of heart,
but only to a partial extent.
Something that I have wished for all truly in my heart, something that has no escape from my life till they get realised or till my last moment arrives, whichever comes earlier.
Something that has my soul into to nourish with all the resources that can bring my dreams in my front, live and tangible.

I dream to be
.... ... ... ...
I dream to do
... ... ... ...
I dream to find
... ... ... ...
I dream to have
... .... ... ...
I dream ...
I dream ...

An awful variant ..

I reached home in the evening from office enwrapped with tiredness of 2 days' hither and thither rush.
Had no keys to home.
Was not in good mood either.
Thought of walking around for a while till somebody comes and unlocks.
Already had had in mind to buy a body lotion and a deodorant.
So started walking to the nearby market where shops selling general goods are in plenty.
As I was on the way to them, a bike with two guys riding on it came in speed from the back.
Stopped jerkingly a few feet ahead of me.
I didn't feel a nerve even with that speed or sudden brakes.
I actually haven't felt such while roaming nearby my place.
Firstly there hasn't been any unpleasant incidence before.
Secondly because such thing is common when its about bikes and guys together.
But this time things marked an underline below the points of caution.
These guys turned around their heads sitting on bikes to utter out some hello hi greeting words, passed a nasty stinging smile .
Ignorance is one word policy for me.
I moved ignoring all that.
But when found 'ignorance' was not being good enough, I stopped. And to relief, those teasers drove away a distance jerkingly. So I moved. But then they stopped. So did I. Now they moved a real distance away. And I went and stood with a gang of kids and their parents pretending to be a part if I was still being watched.
Fearing less fear, I walked upto one shop to get my products, when this bike came again honking, those guys building some horribly irritating noises.
And I almost shouted 'What a bad world!'.Those guys drove to and fro on the market street.I finished up paying up at that shop and those jerks were not seen around, so hoping not to see those creatures again, I moved from that shop. And it emerged out again. And I switched to another shop, stood there asking for things from the shopkeeper I knew he didn't have.
After a while,realising some freedom, I almost flew the coop.
On the main road now.
Started walking to the place where my brother was , to collect the keys, not trying any more waiting.

Tired, frustrated, irritated, agitated was my state of mind.
Felt like a live corpse. I walked and walked, nothing I wanted to speak, nothing I wanted to hear.
A working gal, kms away is her office, comes back in evening completely exhausted and faces such harsh slam by some blunders of life originating and sustaining superpower at such messy hour of the day.
Heights of nuisance!!

And as I walked, I repeatedly turned around to check.
As any honking got into my ears, I turned around with fear.
The way seemed torturingly stinking of the fear.
I reached to collect the keys.
I got my keys.
Headed way back home.
Was around my gate.
A bike sounded like coming from back.
Pulsed up.
I turned around.Somewhat terrified again.
...................
I smiled as I unlocked and got into my abode.

Hitherto ...

As her cell rang one evening, she had a goosebump to see his name on her mobile's screen.She felt a butterfly whirling and swirling ,some centripetal and centrifugal forces inside.she had left the expectations to listen to his voice ever again in her life.As she accepted the call and said Hi, she really could not know if the other end's heart was also thumping so same.

While a thought bemused her always "Will he be remembering me the same way,everyday,as I do ?", she didn't expect a better answer to it than the one she got.

He had told her once "To me, you mean love".And she slumped that day with the gravity of his statement and had extracted the truth of being his only love as one unambiguous meaning from those words, which she believed in, firmly, through the times of her longing for him.

She missed him for some heavenly moments spent together and wondered if he too remembers her from the same moments or has another lot of memories sprung up from other heavenly moments. This thought confused her that if he remembers her from moments different from hers, why does then she miss on them . And if he remembers her for the same moments what is that so peculiar about those which made them memorable for both. She then used to get into real dissection of old moments, balancing out her share of memory against his, eventually falling with him, together, into a sea of them.

His memories kept her occupied.And this call was shaking that pile of memories, which on their way of recalling, stumbled over each other, lied silent through the echoes of their breaths,moistening their eyes with love of their hearts.He avoided telephoning the girl for he knew he will be holding himself with his unrecognised strength to put it down.

As they tried calling each other's names, with rattling pulses, hesitatingly,in some faltering words, her phone rang up to the tone of Summer of 69'. She rubbed her eyes with his name wavering on her lips , picked it up, pressed a key to snooze her evening nap's alarm for a while, not realising that the question still remained.

Unisex - a word mistaken

A sight of a hanging board displaying 'Unisex Salon' confused me literally when I saw it the first time years back , for when word 'Uni' means one or single, I wondered why the owner of the board and its corresponding store has not mentioned the gender they would be serving so that I could know and everybody else too ,if me and they are suitable to get in or not.

While actually, the word connotes a meaning different from my first impression of it and opposite to what it sensed like to me.
And the real meaning covers both sex under it, serves either of them, not differentiating on the basis of gender.
So I just thought that its not just salons which must hold on to use this word unisex as one prefix , schools also can do that and so can do some public toilets.
There are then some unisex names as well. Sidney sheldon, Ayn Rand , the first time I heard about these people I googled out to see their sexuality. Then names like Harpreet, Gurpreet, Chandra are also some.

So the word 'unisex' exclaims a complete uniformity among the two sexes and abstracts their sexuality in catering the offered services.
Aint I kidding much today ?
Actually yes ... actually not ...Because to me , it gave me a deeper insight into the concept. I thought of holding this thought in me for a while and understand if it could be implied to the perception in reality which our society hold for two genders.

Contesting elections is biased.
Reservation is being asked in Parliament for women.The need arose for such actually and there are some plain reasons to it.

A right to live is biased.
Female infanticide has swept off girls turbulently.

Holding dignity and freedom is biased.
Molestation and rapes and eve-teasing.

A separation clearly stands between, obviously in knowledge of everybody, which really has made things to stink and stopped growth upwards.
Unfortunately our society is not a unisex society and the word holds its literal meaning for this society more than its abstract one.

Theory of evolution

Life has evolved over millions of years, and it keeps doing so , and will continue for it is in the nature of nature and its species and communities to evolve .

Evolution would mean retention of primarily existing traits and attributes , imbibing new ones owing to changes around, their intermingling, thus rendering a support to bring a new meaning to the existence.

And the hypothesis has occupied me at times that how clearly things change to adapt themselves almost to the fittest for the necessity of survival, and sometimes for its luxury too.

And if I think of evolution personally, I too have follwed the process or it took me in its loop, have evolved in terms of my emotions, my vision ,my hormones, my perception towards life,world,family,relations,almost everything.

Am I supposed to call it as a process of becoming into one matured being which happens to happen with nearly everyone?

But I dont think I have matured, if maturity has to be one intermediate result of such a process. I would rather say that I have only evolved, evolved not to be one disciplinary, distinguished species , but to become a creature of mixed emotions at every moment.I have evolved to know myself better, loving things that I didn't love yesterday, not loving those i loved, understanding which I ignored, but still ignoring which I can't understand .The moments of irritation come easier and so does the next moment of politeness and another next of another randomness.I am not confused. I almost fairly understand things, I just feel disbalanced .It seems more meaningful to know and understand , and instantly equally meaningless.

I don't know why such an evolution in me, infact why any kind of it, as a necessity of adaptation to changes or one nature bound strict phenomenon, or just a random one.
But it just leaves me surprised at times to depict out differences in myself only in comparison to yesterday.
I really have evolved.
And its equally enthralling to realise that there is more of it to come for my rest span of life.

Today .. Holiday .. Holi-day !!

I don't know how would the words that would follow appeal to you, I mean i might sound like a dissociative, anti , irksome character who finds interest in doing nothing at times, and actually I am at times one such being.
As for one good sake if I talk about today, the Holi day, I really dont find interest in celebrating it and I really dont remember any huge celebrations in past as well. There has not been a very particular idea about being so, other than that such artificial colors really cause itching which is quite obvious to happen when the colors for celebration do contain , not just some, rather many toxicants, lead based substances that might cause asthma, dermatitis ,temporary blindness ..
I am not an antagonist to celebrations. I really believe in celebrating life and I am actually not this boring everytime.
But I dont know if I have gone aware of all this with age only or before age. I dont know. I just know some facts which I want to believe in that colors used in Holi these days are toxic, amount of water consumed on Holi can serve up many more sad days of the nation, wood used for Holika dahan amounts to huge deforestation in the country.
People from very old days used Tesu flowers for celebrations, there were large forested lands, some real fresh springs around, they were actually far from time of destruction and we are arriving closer to it.
My idea of saying all this is not to do any act of enforcement.I want to conserve nature and I really believe that one has to contribute his part. or I probably just love to be this boring ..

Serenity ..

As I lie alongside you on the bed with my eyes in fixture at the roof, holding your hand to my heart, my heartbeats sound aloud this time, for silence sweeps through within the walls otherwise, lost in no thoughts, just with a gaze at the roof above, i feel relaxed, so much of it infact, realising the not so very placid disposition that I had been holding through a gap of time ,understanding the only thing that had been missing was you and when i have found you back, you yourself can sense the pleasance that seeps through my every pore, and every beat of my heart which always yearned to reach you when you were missing sounds utterly complete with you around, which desired to feel your warmth over with your hand on my heart, thudding , thumping , as it finds your tenderness on its way up , it derives the meaning of its existence, my existence and on its way back, it bids off in solace , summating to my peace.
I so much rest in repose.

First Kiss..

They planned up to go for a smooth long drive in a car at some evening hours, across Delhi roads, which though are meant to be less occupied at some midnight or early morning hours.
They passed across some busy roads, some free, kidding through some or plainly travelling through.

The weather was not very cold, somewhere around start of December. December in Delhi is not very chilly during its start. She came dressed up in a yellow pullover and he was in a casual buttoned shirt.He had kept his jacket at the back seat. Their dress-up accidentally matched up the mood of the evening or probably later it seemed nice enough , for that night got to be special of its kind, creating a longing in both to have one like it again.

They had been good at giving a gaze at each other, or catch up others unheeded view, playing with their curled hands or warming up others' hair with hands in.
The moments seemed cozily comforting up the couple of hearts , registering themselves in their memories as unforgettable.
They were melted hearts when together.

She held him when jerked.And there was one of it , when he didn't miss on to hold up her hand and kissed it. This was the first time he kissed her. She still carries its warmth. A moment she relives in her thoughts, a moment she still craves for , a moment that left her mute for the way back , for she felt lost with that single touch of his lips, freewheeling into heavens..

She sometimes looks up at her hand to feel the moisture of the first kiss. She in craziness raises her hand upto her lips to feel his and go lost in memories again.


P.S. This entry is a result of the topic given by my friend to write on, to come up with an imaginary narration for the topic. :D

THE END

Death is unknown , it is realized ,death is mystery , it is a fact, death is forgotten at times, it walks along ,it is recognized, it is overlooked ,it arrives new, it has been so old, it scares , it thrills.

It arrives at a moment and it is there forever.

A thought that I will not witness my death enters me sometimes at some rare moment of a day, and disappoints me. Am I kidding much? I am crazy enough to know how I would seem lying on a death bed, motionless and silent ,so unlike me .

I just wonder how is it after death , I mean where would I go, I have heard of and even have myself read into "Garud Purana " ,a Hindu mythological book which is read after someone's death on some nth day, which 'n' I don't know , that the soul (atma ) leaves the body and flows through this river and that and passes this way and through that , it reaches where, I just couldn't understand and it happens when it is on way to hell. I mean it is really complex for a soul to leave a body and to find its destiny after it , according to the knowledge I had from reading some part of that book .....but i wonder does this soul concept really exist physically. I though understand it spiritually , so thoroughly of it in fact, but I don't know if there is some real concept behind it any physical way.

While I am so sure that I am not going to heavens, I fantasize of my soul drifting away with rivers and grilling in furnaces as per that book.

A little more I know is that one suffers through a great deal of pain when the so called physical soul leaves the body. And I really feel scared to realize this fact and that it would hold true , a day, for me too. Death really scares me at times and it thrills me too right there then. What would be its kind??.. some ailment-struck, accidental, or some terrorist attack. I really want my body to be burnt in one piece and not just few found pieces that got scattered while some bomb explosion at some bakery or electronics market.

One would bet his life to avoid it or even delay it.I don't know why is it in nature of us to exercise such a confounding practice, Why is it so scary to live a fact which we know since we are born, why does it disappoint while moving closer to it.. I mean is it bcoz everybody is practicing such a thought of fear and we too learnt the same?? or do we really love our life this much or does life love us this much that it would be a deal of enormous loss to lose it , or does everybody know the painful process one is bound to deal with while giving up life ?? ..

Talking about it ,things have been complex , things have been plain and straight, yet most of them stay unanswered to me and I guess, to many, but fact is that my experience with it even wont bring up any answers.

Paraphrasing ..

I had been watching an oldie 'To kill a mocking bird' few days back, a movie based on a novel by Harper Lee with same name. There is this lawyer in this movie Atticus Finch , a widower and his two children Scout and Jem. Set out in 1930's, this movie talks about racial discrimination that was prevalent amongst whites and blacks. Also does it display a lot more nice things. My this blog entry is not at all meant to give any review on the film or the novel. Be safe.

Now I have just been wondering watching it that these two kids of this lawyer call him by his name only, 'Atticus'. To these kids, their father means their world, they stand by him, they look up to him, they are happy to have him around, they respect him, listen to him, do everything what a father-child relationship ideally might ask for.and at times they would do more than that. And he too doesn't enforce things, would rather justify, would be a listener to his kids, would be protective, would do the rightest to teach them truth. But they would call him only 'Atticus'.

It sounded strange to me thinking calling my dad or momma by their names. But what if I weren't taught the usual way of calling them mamma and papa, I would probably have still shown the same respect and love in return of theirs.But I said 'in return'. Love comes from love, respect from respect. Respect and love doesn't come with titles, neither it goes away calling someone's names. It comes with heart. It never comes one-sided even.

Another thing that I perceived thinking all this is the power of word 'You'. We in Hindi use tu, tum, aap to show an order of respect. While its not sure even that when we call somebody aap we really do respect him or not. So we go hypocrites in expressions. But then this word 'You' prevents displaying such phoneyness.

I don't mean to say that flaw lies with my language of origin to have provision of such words which help inhibition for convenience. Neither I intend to break out saying English is the only language of unfeigned expressions.

I just mean that respect comes from heart only. And is phrased in words. But if we end up being impostors, we are just paraphrasing our emotions with some more respectful words. And that's it.

Nomothetically .. !!

At times it seems like I am standing a few floors above the ground and observing people moving in rush, some laughing, some indulged in serious talks, some lonesome, some enthusiastic , all of them portraying a character that appears as a new color in the color palette with varying degrees of hue, saturation and brightness. And I am left wondered. Wondered over human nature and behavior. A million variant display is always wonderful and astonishing.

With unexpected variances, with undefined ranges and extremities, each one of them represents an almost one complete world in itself, each one of them so much and almost entirely different from the other, that I think of God as one true artist who never stops experimenting and throwing a challenge at Himself of creating another pure art which is not even (+/-)zero% similar to his already existing ones. Crikey !!!.

Everybody around me has always intrigued me for reasons not encountered within me before. I find each of my friends, each of the relations that I share with beings on this earth completely different from other. Each of them would give a new feel unmatched with any other. Its like there is one complete world inside everybody, which has its own mortality and immortality, which defines his world around, which gives reasons to him to perceive, its just one complete self in him.

And I don't know why on the grounds of some senses in me that say 'one world in everybody' do I have it in me of justifying everyone, at my heart, for doing or thinking whatsoever? for probably that is what they are supposed to do or be like or think like as they are exhibiting a complete different world of being.

For one might be estranged to know that I really don't mind justifying at moments someone like a rapist, a murderer, a smuggler or one who smokes up or many such ones probably. While I really condemn rape, murder, smuggle and smoke-up.

I don't know if it is seeming to you that I am creating a null thought effect by just contradicting my own words. Am I really doing so ?? I really don't know an answer to that. Its how I felt saying like.

Just another such story ..

This story lies in the fathoms of two young hearts which took a span of life together for some golden moments and then they lived rest of life separated , not forced much by the world though, but by their choice. They were brave than broken, or probably the vice-versa.

Their togetherness defined a world that they thought of as the only world they know , they wanted to know.

Lushy breezes, falling sky, echoing laughters, they lived it all. Clasping hands together, brushing fingers through each other's hair, looking straight and deep into the eyes, becharming silence enlightened by their deep breaths only, succumbing to the power of other's soul that attracted with all its might, they were stormed away till the destiny made them walk back to back, away, far away.

No tears, no pains, they walked from each other and never stopped to look back into the direction they knew they must have moved into, with someone accompanying through a way of different destiny, a way of their just another choice,

Yes they were in Love.

#if defined CRAZINESS

She : listen
He: yea..
She: Still online??
He: watching football..
She : ok
She : i love u
She : a lot actually
He : i know that
She : i really go crazy widout u
n i run around
try to escape
from the craziness
bt then i fall into it back again
and i know i will hav to fall into u even before i attempt a way for escape
i know it alwez
bt js coz a feel of 'widout u' drives me crazy,i keep running
bt i dont like running
i knw this as well
i dont like escaping from u n craziness for u
i really go unbalanced
i would phone up the whole world to find peace
bt i dont get
n i run like crazy in my mind
He: Hey .. i know baby
She: but of no use
i get no peace
nobody can please me out
whosoever it be
n i hate trying to please myself out n appease myself out
calling up the whole world ..
i hate myself then
i feel a sense of guilt
n shame
for i mst rather choose up to die crying for u
than finding peace from anybody other than you
He : plz be silent ..
She: n i go so weak, not doing it
i lose all my strength
n i just run
escaping from u
esacaping from myself
but there is one thing i tell myself
i just didnt like it
i just didnt want to do it, i js dont want to do it
m so weak that i do all such
i hate being weak
He: now plz stop it
She: i just dont hate anything or anybdy other than myself
coz i know i m one crazy psycho who can choke herself upto death wid all such craziness
n i know i would end up doing this to myself

#endif

Justifying the purpose ..

First thing that I want to do is explain why the name of my blog is "talking pink floyd". By the name I am sure you would have realised that I am one of those huge fans of Pink Floyd who is sad to realise the fact that only 3 of those magicians are left and who is happy to keep the rest of them alive at heart..Like many, I too have alwez felt like more soulful with their music and songs .. have alwez felt that their music almost awakes up something in me that makes me meet myself , like another end of mine that was being missed on, a melancholy, a feeling of departure from myself and yet a realisation in completion of being myself. and this is what I intend to do with my thoughts and words for them ... drive from one end of myself to another untouched end .. explore too much of me ... till I exhaust either exploring or till nothing is left to be explored .. things go lunatically in me ... I am moonstruck ... Thus the name ...

First One!!

Hi!! Firstly to my first blog. A warm one.. Now to the one who is you .. :) Hiii :) I really love talking.I really love thinking..I always feel like penning down my thoughts ..for myself and sometimes want them to reach others as well..I am just starting with this blog believing I would be able to come up with some nice words to my daily whirling thoughts, also as a way to know more of myself, also for the people who want to know me may understand a little more clear... i wanna think loud .. :D