js a few words ..

This came just random on a notepad. A very little one. I would like to share.

Little is not my power,
Little is not my will,
But I am not that ordinary,
If Not with some killing skill.

I am not proud or arrogant,
I am obliged for the true sense,
I am not obsessed of myself,
I know my true self.

You may consider me a fool,
So I too do at times,
But wrong would be you,
If you think I have an inflexible spine.

I love myself,
you can see that glitter in my eyes,
To see my love for you,
look upto the skies.

And I started loving

This is one old poem written by me very much loved by myself and many .. I would like to share it once more ..

And I started loving…………..

A day I found you around,
And you got so intimately bound.
You kept coming closer,
Became a part of me,
Mingling my life in yours,
Ornamenting it with your beauty.
And
When I sit alone,
Lost in loneliness,
I define my every moment,
With such a clarity of your presence,
Solace I find,
An utmost comfort with you, in you.
Because my loneliness holds just you,
I started loving it too…….

When I sit quiet,
I hear your smiles loud,
And then,
I too smile your way.
I live you every moment,
I love you every moment.
In the meekness of constantly moving life,
I talk to you for hours inside,
And just enjoy your flavour aside.
Because my silence holds just you,
I started loving it too……..

You hold my charm,
You hold my smiles,
You have made yourself run in my every breath.
My beauty from you,
My life in you.
Now this earthly flesh seems mine,
And underneath,
Spiritually,
It's your soul that is lying.
Because its just you in me, I started loving myself TOO…………...

You shall remain engraved on hearts!!

Sitting next to one of my friends in office, I thinly sighted the two words 'Pink floyd' on one arm extending of his glass frame.And I was like amazed to find it on something like this. I have found these words written on T-shirt, wallpapers, cars and many more . But this space was a crazy one. Thus here is a tribute to the magical and musical band THE PINK FLOYD, by me and the maker of frames . while my friend never knew that his frames had it .

Three amazons of my life ..

My life, I suppose, has been influenced more by the female divinity and strength than male's.
Be it my mom, sis, grandmoms, aunties, frens, teachers, mentors, colleagues, I really feel cherubic impact of theirs on my life.
And there are these 3 significant females in my life who have substantiated their influence by my existence of one heroic nature.
I would owe not just a part but almost all of me to them.
They are in me ,spiritually, just as the other 5 physical ingredients of life.
I know who of these ladies do I actually resemble the most and the least also.
The oldest of these is my grandmom.My dad's mother.
A lady with invincible power, a heart filled with love, a fighter, a dreamer, a lady of extreme emotions.
I dont know how much I miss her. Heaven is her abode now. I would see her in my dreams at night. and just wish I could meet her once and could kiss her soft cheeks.
And always wish that if God could have a plan like meeting the people He has of us a specific day in year, once at least.
It has been almost two years she left this world, she nevertheless is felt more than she is remembered.

Following her is my own mother.
Her placidity,serenity, divinity always makes me feel conquered and defeated and at my own will.
I yield to her forbearance and piousness at the same moment I am fighting to win over the situation or discussion.
There is nobody who knows my life as deeply as she does.Just nobody and there cannot be one.
I know it holds true for everyone on this earth.
I just wonder and wonder at her feelings, her calm disposition.
She would do more than I need.
She would care more than I can reciprocate.
And I find it as magical, like a river flowing not knowing where it will end but it flows.
　
And she is the third one whom I love the most and have half-lost a companion, a friend, a confidant since the time she has been taken away by love of her life.
My sister is the most amazing and vivacious part of me and my life.
She would know the best philosopies of life to play her role as daughter, a daughter-in-law, a wife , sister .She is just perfect to play any role in life.And she has outdone anybody in holding herself up during moments of torment.
She has been my aegis, she has been like a tree shade in scorching heat, she has been like a balmy breeze through my moment of distress and suffering.
I feel wonderful to have my life painted in colors of richness and exuberance by 3 generations of life.
I feel that power in me.
I see that beauty in me.
And as I said that I know whom I resemble the most of these 3 generations , I know it is true when I say the answer is my grandmother :)

All day long, deep in my heart, I yearn, I dream

I was a kid when I used to feel after waking up from sleep that moments before,I was running around bushes and waterfalls with mowgli, where has all that gone?.
Was not even sure of if there was something like that or not.
Didn't even know the word 'Dream'.
I dont know at which age of mine, I got to know this word and understood what dreaming means.
My fascinations, my desires, my fears, my interests have all been into my dreams at nights.
My dreams have trepidated me at times after watching some horror movie with horrifying creatures reappearing around me,and at times have heavenly pleased, have shown me gods and angels and fairies. .
I would have reached exams after they were over, would have forgotten admit cards at home.
I would have been on date with guys I had crush on.
I would have done never-done and never-would-be-done kind things in dreams, racing a scooter, running wearing pencil heels on marble floor with dogs chasing and falling every now and then to find an escape.
These dreams have kept me so much occupied during nights.
But mooning in day has been my steady soulful accomplishments.
As I grew in age and more desires for myself gestated in me, new dreams rooted up.
And the notion of a dream changed.
From night to day,
From fantasies to desires,
From subconsciousness to consciousness.
And the meaning as well ..
my dreams are my desires long awaited and would be longed for till realised ,
yearning for them in me is stronger than my habits.
Something I have lived in my mind whimsically,
have enacted my part of role into them or probably of others as well involved,
have practiced my lines of dialogues,
have walked my postures and moves and gestures,
have designed my attires and footwears and glass frames,
have lived the emotions of heart,
but only to a partial extent.
Something that I have wished for all truly in my heart, something that has no escape from my life till they get realised or till my last moment arrives, whichever comes earlier.
Something that has my soul into to nourish with all the resources that can bring my dreams in my front, live and tangible.

I dream to be
.... ... ... ...
I dream to do
... ... ... ...
I dream to find
... ... ... ...
I dream to have
... .... ... ...
I dream ...
I dream ...

An awful variant ..

I reached home in the evening from office enwrapped with tiredness of 2 days' hither and thither rush.
Had no keys to home.
Was not in good mood either.
Thought of walking around for a while till somebody comes and unlocks.
Already had had in mind to buy a body lotion and a deodorant.
So started walking to the nearby market where shops selling general goods are in plenty.
As I was on the way to them, a bike with two guys riding on it came in speed from the back.
Stopped jerkingly a few feet ahead of me.
I didn't feel a nerve even with that speed or sudden brakes.
I actually haven't felt such while roaming nearby my place.
Firstly there hasn't been any unpleasant incidence before.
Secondly because such thing is common when its about bikes and guys together.
But this time things marked an underline below the points of caution.
These guys turned around their heads sitting on bikes to utter out some hello hi greeting words, passed a nasty stinging smile .
Ignorance is one word policy for me.
I moved ignoring all that.
But when found 'ignorance' was not being good enough, I stopped. And to relief, those teasers drove away a distance jerkingly. So I moved. But then they stopped. So did I. Now they moved a real distance away. And I went and stood with a gang of kids and their parents pretending to be a part if I was still being watched.
Fearing less fear, I walked upto one shop to get my products, when this bike came again honking, those guys building some horribly irritating noises.
And I almost shouted 'What a bad world!'.Those guys drove to and fro on the market street.I finished up paying up at that shop and those jerks were not seen around, so hoping not to see those creatures again, I moved from that shop. And it emerged out again. And I switched to another shop, stood there asking for things from the shopkeeper I knew he didn't have.
After a while,realising some freedom, I almost flew the coop.
On the main road now.
Started walking to the place where my brother was , to collect the keys, not trying any more waiting.

Tired, frustrated, irritated, agitated was my state of mind.
Felt like a live corpse. I walked and walked, nothing I wanted to speak, nothing I wanted to hear.
A working gal, kms away is her office, comes back in evening completely exhausted and faces such harsh slam by some blunders of life originating and sustaining superpower at such messy hour of the day.
Heights of nuisance!!

And as I walked, I repeatedly turned around to check.
As any honking got into my ears, I turned around with fear.
The way seemed torturingly stinking of the fear.
I reached to collect the keys.
I got my keys.
Headed way back home.
Was around my gate.
A bike sounded like coming from back.
Pulsed up.
I turned around.Somewhat terrified again.
...................
I smiled as I unlocked and got into my abode.

Hitherto ...

As her cell rang one evening, she had a goosebump to see his name on her mobile's screen.She felt a butterfly whirling and swirling ,some centripetal and centrifugal forces inside.she had left the expectations to listen to his voice ever again in her life.As she accepted the call and said Hi, she really could not know if the other end's heart was also thumping so same.

While a thought bemused her always "Will he be remembering me the same way,everyday,as I do ?", she didn't expect a better answer to it than the one she got.

He had told her once "To me, you mean love".And she slumped that day with the gravity of his statement and had extracted the truth of being his only love as one unambiguous meaning from those words, which she believed in, firmly, through the times of her longing for him.

She missed him for some heavenly moments spent together and wondered if he too remembers her from the same moments or has another lot of memories sprung up from other heavenly moments. This thought confused her that if he remembers her from moments different from hers, why does then she miss on them . And if he remembers her for the same moments what is that so peculiar about those which made them memorable for both. She then used to get into real dissection of old moments, balancing out her share of memory against his, eventually falling with him, together, into a sea of them.

His memories kept her occupied.And this call was shaking that pile of memories, which on their way of recalling, stumbled over each other, lied silent through the echoes of their breaths,moistening their eyes with love of their hearts.He avoided telephoning the girl for he knew he will be holding himself with his unrecognised strength to put it down.

As they tried calling each other's names, with rattling pulses, hesitatingly,in some faltering words, her phone rang up to the tone of Summer of 69'. She rubbed her eyes with his name wavering on her lips , picked it up, pressed a key to snooze her evening nap's alarm for a while, not realising that the question still remained.